Letters
by Kagaya Chou
Summary: Letters between Naruto and Sasuke, after the Uchiha left Konoha for Sound.
1. Hey Sasuke, Wish you were here Well,

COMMENTS: The following is something I, Kagaya Chou on fanfiction. net or Kagaya on deviantart. com, web published on January 21, 2005. It was only something I wrote in a spur of the moment in the Artist's Comments section when I was posting the image "Naruto - Konoha no Go - color" at www. deviantart. com/ view/ 14371685, but I was disappointed and angered when I found that metaldragonfx www. fanfiction. net/ u/ 898483/ stole my writing, changed "Happy New Year" to "Happy Valentines Day", and re-published it on with added foot notes, among other things I might have missed out.

In the case that proof is needed, feel free to look at the mentioned links, and to look at www. deviantart. com/ deviation/ 30706954/

Thank you very much.

DISCLAIMER: Masashi Kishimoto is the mangaka. Hayato Date is the director of the anime, which was released by Studio Pierrot. No profit will be made out of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement was intended. The only thing I own here is this piece of writing.

---

Hey Sasuke,

Wish you were here. Well, Shikamaru doesn't. He still thinks you're too troublesome. 'Cause, you know, everyone risked their lives trying to 'save' you an all when we thought you got abducted by Orochimaru's minions. Didn't know he wanted your body at the time; didn't know you wanted him to take it either. Sorry.

Anyway, just thought you should know. Chouji went on a diet soon after you left. Took some of his family pills. Nearly killed him. I guess that's the biggest reason why Shikamaru's miffed at you. But it's all okay now, 'cause they've been best friends for ages, and their dads have been best friend for ages, so Nara-san gave Chouji some good meds. Ino just wants the diet pills; apparently, she's not trying to be anorexic for you!

So, yeah. When you left, Neji had trouble breathing. Nearly lost a lung or some such, 'cause he met this nasty guy. All hands, he was. Neji got so beat up. It's all your fault, you know. If you hadn't left, he'd probably have been fighting you. Then he wouldn't have gotten hurt. Ah, but don't worry, that little affair's got one of those, 'Think I look bad? You should have seen the other guy' resolutions. Btw, your fan club converted to his, and after all the shit he's been through - his family, his teacher, me, you... oh, and the ANBU now - he totally deserves the love.

As for Kiba, same old, same old. He and Akamaru are inseparable, so half the time when we're hangin' out he's talking to his dog. Ah, I'm not gonna make him chose. Besides, he's actually way more open when he forgets I'm there. I found out that Hinata has a crush on me. Did you know Sakura sees you in Shino? But hey, the cool thing is that now, Akamaru's starting to learn how to talk! Isn't that something?

Oh yeah, that reminds me. Happy New Year, Sasuke! Hope you enjoy your new home. Hey, has Kabuto recovered from last time yet? Can you pass on a message? Tell him that as much as he dislikes women, he really shouldn't get physical about it, and if he does, and I hear about it, I will personally come over a whoop his ass again! But don't worry, next time we see you, I'll prepare two rasengans, one with your name on it.

Your pal,

The Future Rokudaime Hokage

---

Note: I'm not on crack. I'm just... eh, it's Photoshop! (And this is a satire. I don't particularly dislike anyone in Naruto so if you're a fan of some of the Naruto characters here, ... hope you're not offended?) As for Neji's cursed seal, it's not a swastika (or a Buddhist or Hindu symbol etc.) ; It's just a graphical symbol that is part of his character design in the manga, which I do not own.

Edit: For the initial sketch, go here www. deviantart. com/ deviation/ 13480481/

Edit: For the monotone "inked" version, click this www. deviantart. com/ view/ 14238191/


	2. Dobe, I always knew you were an idiot

COMMENTS: The matter of someone else taking this letter and posting it as their own has been settled. Apparently, the person using the account, metaldragonfx, is not the same person who used it last month, but an 11-year-old girl, who's using her friend's account because she can't get her own email to get her own account here. That's what the account holder told me anyway. Regardless, I'm just glad to find that the other letter has been deleted from this site. The following, is Sasuke's response to Naruto's letter.

DISCLAIMER: Masashi Kishimoto is the mangaka. Hayato Date is the director of the anime, which was released by Studio Pierrot. No profit will be made out of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement was intended. The only thing I own here is this piece of writing.

---

Dobe,

I always knew you were an idiot. Can't you just quit it with the illusions of grandeur while you're ahead? Look at the mortality rate for the job. If you become the Rokudaime, I'll be coming back to Konoha to attend your funeral, and I don't wanna do that. At least stay alive for my sake, okay? You're my best friend. It's only fair that I should be the one who gets to chidori you off to meet your maker.

So, you actually managed to hit Kabuto with your rasengan? And he survived? What is wrong with you? He may be a medical nin, but honestly, he's easy pickings! At least when Orochimaru isn't around to watch him fail, that is. Heh, you gave him time to heal, didn't you? Slowpoke. Look, word of advice here: you'll only ever stand a chance against Kabuto if you can beat Kakashi fair and square. Orochimaru said those two are about the same caliber - and no, your perverted jutsus do not count.

I mean, Kabuto's sorta interested in women too, but he's more of an equal opportunities type, like Ino. Actually, you thought Ino really had the hots for me or something? Get her lazy ass teammate to explain things to you if you can't even understand it from the fat ass one: Ino bugs me to attract Sakura's attention. Sure, she gropes me 'cause she thinks I'm hot, but Sakura's the one who actually cares about body image, long hair--I HATE people with long hair... and a stupid obsession with clouds, and painted fingernails and toenails. And Shikamaru may like people 'with substance', but I don't really give a damn, about anyone, especially someone willing to throw his or her life away for my miserable one. Seriously, tell Chouji to get a move on.

But about Ino, if you were any good looking, she'd grope you, too. I'm certainly not missing anything though. Orochimaru may want my body, but I'm not letting him have it. He hasn't touched me since tattooing my shoulder when we were back in Konoha. He lost the use of both his arms afterwards, and is now bandaged up worse than Zabuza, but he's still kicking more ass than anyone can back in Konoha. As for Kabuto, well, he's busy being Orochimaru's hands, and he doesn't lay a finger on me anyway, unless I need healing - in which case it's just chakra contact. I hardly ever need healing in the first place.

Also, I didn't bother passing your message to him about the rasengan; Kabuto doesn't actually dislike women. I noticed that when he goes all out on anyone, he's really acknowledging their strength. Otherwise, he'll taunt, be an ass, and tell them to give up. I think he has some pet peeve with going easy on people. Neji's like that. You beat him up when he did that in public, didn't you? I'm surprised the groupies didn't stamp you into the ground and bury you for bruising his pretty boy face, like when you STOLE my first kiss. If we never became best friends I'd still have to kill you for that...

You're such a fool. Hinata's held a torch for you ever since we were academy students. What, you feel like giving up Sakura to Shino? Hn. Even if you try, I bet you anything once you all figure things out Kiba would fight you for her with everything he's got, Akamaru will piss on all your clothes, and the Hyuugas will blame you for giving the head of their clan a heart attack if you so much as show her more interest. It's not even about the Kyuubi; it's like a clan thing. That's all there is to it.

... Wait. You fought Kabuto when Orochimaru was around? Why wasn't I with you, and who'd you get to save your sorry ass instead?

Sasuke

---

Note: This is a deliberately twisted parody interpretation of the story, Naruto. I am up to date with the anime and manga, in case anyone thinks I read bad subs or dubs or something. I'm not shipping any pairings in particular and just typing whatever seems to fit together. For fun.


	3. Teme! You're so screwed up! Who the

COMMENTS: Naruto replies with an even longer response. --Edit: Chapter 3 got deleted I'm guessing because of content rating in that Kplus could contain mild coarse language, but not adult themes.. So now, I'm rating it T until they grow older. I doubt their letters would become completely explicit and adult either way, given their mental ages whenever they're together somehow.

DISCLAIMER: Masashi Kishimoto is the mangaka. Hayato Date is the director of the anime, which was released by Studio Pierrot. No profit will be made out of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement was intended. The only thing I own here is this piece of writing.

---

Teme!

You're so screwed up! Who the heck tries to kill someone because of being best friends? Did I mention Shikamaru and Chouji as best friends? Do they try to kill each other? Huh? Huh? Nuh uh! They spend time together outside of team stuff, and share food and jokes, and, and... I'm still writing to you, 'cause I still consider you my best friend!

You wanna know why? It's 'cause we spent time together like that, too! I mean, okay, so you wouldn't know a joke if it rushed at you and punched you in the gut, and the only time you ever shared food with me was that time with the bell exercise... But we still ate together, once in a while. And we always always pushed each other, you know, when we're fighting and competing and stuff... It's for training, dumbass! That's not supposed to become a fight to the death!

... Are you still sore about that accidental meeting of our lips? I don't even consider it a kiss. It was a gross, ugly mistake, I balk at tomatoes now because of you, and it still hurts my head to think about it. You saw how the girls reacted; they beat me up, and it wasn't even my fault the guy behind me suddenly stood up and pushed me in your face! You don't see me threatening to kill him either.

For the record, you get groped by Ino and Orochimaru, but my first kiss came from a blonde mature woman with long hair and big boobs. It happened while Jiraiya took me on that first training trip, and I bet you I'll get a lot more out of training with him than you'll ever get from Orochimaru, who's just an old perv interested in you for your eyes, your body, and 'cause you're a 12 year old boy. Jiraiya's about 50, too, but he's only interested in girls. That guy writes the stuff Kakashi reads, so, hehe, I'm totally going to learn how to beat Kakashi AND Kabuto, 'cause perverted jutsus do SO work on giant perverts!

Come on, you talked so much about Kabuto. You've heard how he sighs his boss' name, yeah? If he isn't a giant pervert for lusting after a dude, who's like two or three times older than him, and has a thing for young boys nearly five times younger, I don't know what is. And I know these things. I study these things.

Hey, Sakura and Shino didn't get together in then end. Not that it didn't work out, but they've both got other people training them now, outside of genin stuff. I asked Shikamaru and Chouji about Ino though, not in order. I just found them cloud watching together. ... You're right. Shut up. Nothing's gonna come of it anyway, 'cause Sakura's always busy somewhere, like I said, and Ino's been training, too.

We're all improving, and moving on from what you did. Neji's trying especially hard, and his team's been real supportive. Don't you imply I'm going to chase after Hinata just because she has a crush on me. I'll chase after her if I feel the same way, the rest of her clan be damned, but I don't. Kiba's possessive about people he considers his pack anyway, and when I become Hokage, I'll change every single senseless 'clan thing' I find. Besides, there's no time for dating. I promised Sakura I'd bring you back to Konoha even if I have to break your arms and legs, and I keep my promises!

Say, I never knew you could communicate beyond, 'Hn', and maybe some response that's like ten times shorter than what someone first says to you. Maybe we should have been pen pals earlier. Don't you say something stupid like, 'no, I didn't want to respond, but my hand moved.' If we're gonna stay best friends, keeping in touch is good, yeah?

I WILL sincerely be,

The Future Rokudaime Hokage

---

Note: Um... If anyone's waiting for SasuNaru or NaruSasu, I haven't actually made up my mind about anything, and even if I do eventually do that, it might be a long wait. Just so you know


	4. Usuratonkachi, Beyond the fact that

COMMENTS: Sasuke replies with more Naruto-bashing... Because he can, despite the fact he'd never let anyone else get away with it if he thinks Naruto can't defend himself first.

DISCLAIMER: Masashi Kishimoto is the mangaka. Hayato Date is the director of the anime, which was released by Studio Pierrot. No profit will be made out of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement was intended. The only thing I own here is this piece of writing.

---

Usuratonkachi.

Beyond the fact that we're best friends, you wouldn't understand even if I took the time to explain the reasons why I respond to your letters, much less why I do the things I do, so I won't. And no, it's not because my hand moved on its own. Don't bother trying to figure it out. My head hurts when you think.

And you never answered who saved you when you fought Kabuto while Orochimaru was watching. Was it Jiraiya? He was that old, white-haired kabuki-actor-wannabe who just stood there like an idiot when the Akatsuki came after you and Itachi... Forget it. I know who Jiraiya is now. He's Orochimaru's old teammate's the Legendary Pervert. This is too ironic. Next, you'll tell me it's the Legendary Sucker who went after Sakura to offer her training. Che.

At least I got the Genius.

Look, as much as you'd like to think that Orochimaru wants me for something sexual in nature, you have it completely wrong. Just how can you notice that Kabuto's crazy for Orochimaru without also noticing that Orochimaru has a thing for Kabuto, too? Granted, Orochimaru's not as obvious, so I wouldn't be surprised if it goes over your head, but I only wish it could go over mine.

I can't believe I'm writing this, but I need to get this out. I notice the way Orchimaru acts towards Kabuto, because my sharingan records every little moment they share together, in my presence at least - and in mind numbing detail. You think our accidental kiss was gross? Ugly? I'd show you what gross and ugly really mean, but I don't think your brain could handle it without imploding. They are like newlyweds in absolute denial of the sexual tension that builds up between them, because nobody properly proposed, picked out a set of wedding rings, or even realized that they should just get a room to consummate the marriage. I'm just waiting to see, who'd crack first. It's probably be Kabuto, but something tells me that the day he confesses his undying love for Orochimaru would probably be the day he looses the will to live. Heck, Kabuto's obsessive compulsive about collecting dead bodies, too. Maybe he'd like it.

Anyway, get real, dobe. Who would want to kiss you? Long blonde hair and big boobs? Sounds like one of your hentai bunshin henges to me. As for Shikamaru and Chouji, they are teammates - in all senses. They're not like us. They're not just best friends. They're way closer than you could possibly imagine. Or they will be. Just you wait and see. If I'm wrong, and you can prove it, I'll let you drag me back to Konoha.

Not.

Sasuke

---

Note: I find I write more of this when I somehow am or was upset by something. Haha, this has got to be therapeutic.


	5. Teme, That was Ew That was too

COMMENTS: Naruto's reply took a bit longer, because my Naruto muse was busy hyperventilating from what was written in the last letter. Real life played a part in it, too.

DISCLAIMER: Masashi Kishimoto is the mangaka. Hayato Date is the director of the anime, which was released by Studio Pierrot. No profit will be made out of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement was intended. The only thing I own here is this piece of writing.

---

Teme,

That was... Ew. That was too much information! I didn't need to know more about Orochimaru and Kabuto like that. I mean sure, feel completely free to tell me all about their weaknesses and stuff, but... Crap, I can see them interact in my head now, and it's bad, and it's all YOUR fault! Do you know how much effort it took to henge into a decent sexy looking girl? How much research and practice? Now, I'm gonna have to start putting together some hot guy henge. What am I going to do? Girls think you're hot. What makes a guy hot? I know, I'll ask Hinata why she has the hots for me!

But back to guys... Just because Orochimaru and Kabuto are like a- a couple doesn't mean everyone else is! Chouji and Shika... You're wrong! You're so wrong! That's just mean. I don't need you to LET me drag you back to Konoha either! I'll do it myself!

You have to be so sexually frustrated and in denial of your own preferences if you think everyone wants their closest compan- Wait a minute.

You...

You're not Sasuke.

You sound like a jerk, like Sasuke does, but Sasuke's not that open about his feelings, and... and... Who are you? Kabuto? Are you just trying to find an outlet for your pent up feelings for Orochimaru without admitting it? 'Cause hell, you can admit it! I believe you! After all the stuff that's been said between us, I totally believe you want a piece of Orochimaru!

Just don't make it sound like everyone else wants a piece of their best friend. Please. You don't know as much as you think you know. I mean, you guessed right about Tsunade-baba taking Sakura-chan as an apprentice, but you were wrong about who chased who for training. You're totally off the mark about me having to kiss my own henges! Honestly! And for your information, they are not hentai! They are cleverly designed to incorporate the smoke that comes along with the jutsu as clothing, so that the smoke doesn't just become wasted chakra and stuff!

That's it. I'm going to make a henge of you, and use it on perverts like Orochimaru. Pretend to be Sasuke why don't you? Wait til you get hunted down by more 50 year old men with a thing for long haired pretty boys with shiny glasses!

You are so screwed,

The Future Rokudaime Hokage

---

Note: Thanks for the reviews, and more of the Sasu/Naru requests Hehe, I'm glad you guys are coming back to read more. Your comments are very much appreciated.


	6. Naruto, If you're going to be stupid,

COMMENTS: Sasuke has a lot of things on his mind, and a lot of questions he wants answered. And this time I'm updating faster because I was stressing over something for school, which turned out great!

DISCLAIMER: Masashi Kishimoto is the mangaka. Hayato Date is the director of the anime, which was released by Studio Pierrot. No profit will be made out of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement was intended. The only thing I own here is this piece of writing.

---

Naruto...

If you're going to be stupid, don't use the Hokage title while you're at it. You're only ruining the name for the poor sob who'd be the next head of Konoha - assuming the village is still standing by then. ... What am I saying? You're not going to be stupid. You ARE stupid. Your last letter was a headache catalyst as soon as I started reading. I had to stop several times just so I could work off the urge to chidori the paper!

If Kabuto was the one writing letters to you, you'd be slowly dying of whatever latest poison he decided to test, and you would have started whining about being sick due to some incurable disease that no one knows the origins, unless they knew to test the paper, and Kabuto would most certainly not tell you all that.

Look, I am not sexually frustrated. I am not in denial of my own preferences. I know very well that I don't have preferences. I don't have time for sex and the like. In case you've forgotten, I have a clan to avenge. I have a man to kill. I just turned thirteen, and that man decimated my clan when he was thirteen. Last I heard, he's still out there somewhere going after your soul, because you're so special to him, and I'm not interesting to him any more.

You have no idea how frustrated I am. There is nothing sexual about it!

... But do continue with that new jutsu you're working on. I see Kabuto on a regular basis anyway. It's a given I'd be able to tell if and when you succeed with encouraging more perverts to chase after him. Who knows. Maybe it'd shake Orochimaru up a bit.

For comparison's sake, Kabuto's hair is a darker grey than Kakashi's, and when the hair's not in the ponytail, it reaches half way down his back. He has sharper eyes than Kakashi, which are also black. Those round glasses make his eyes look bigger than they are though, and more innocent. I'll draw you a picture if you need a clearer reference. Just let me know.

By the way, has Hinata managed to stutter out the reasons why she likes you, or were you actually tactless enough to ask in the first place? And who kissed you if it wasn't one of your kage bunshins? How exactly did Sakura manage to convince the Godaime Hokage to teach her anyway? If Kabuto asked you, he'd skirt around the subject, rather than just ask. Idiot.

Sasuke

---

Note: So... more calls for OroKabu and SasuNaru and... and Sai? Well, I'm fine with OroKabu, as well as SasuNaru, but I'm also wondering.. what about NaruSasu? I'm just curious as to why many people see Sasuke as more seme. And, I'd like to see how Sai could fit into all this, too! But that will have to wait 'til Sasuke and Naruto are 14 or 15, give or take. I can see what they'd write though...


	7. Sasuke, It's been a while I've been in

COMMENTS: For those who follow these letters, sorry, for the long wait. Mostly, it was real life. I wrote more about that in the note at the bottom of this, but I guess in a way, the wait fits in with how the letters are going with Naruto's side of the story.

DISCLAIMER: Masashi Kishimoto is the mangaka. Hayato Date is the director of the anime, which was released by Studio Pierrot. No profit will be made out of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement was intended. The only thing I own here is this piece of writing.

---

Sasuke,

It's been a while. I've been in and out of Konoha, training, and I just got your letter. It's been sitting inside the door of my place for over a month. Ehehe... Were you worried?

You have a lot of questions, you know? Hm, I'd answer them, but answer mine, would you? I mean, why do you write back? I didn't expect you to in the first place, and I'm glad you did, but why?

You went to Orochimaru for power, to avenge your clan and kill your brother. I understand that much. But, Orochimaru, of all people? Kakashi knows how to use the sharingan, Orochimaru just wants yours, and Itachi... well, he's stronger than Orochimaru. Come on, think about it.

Orochimaru was in the Akatsuki before. Jiraiya told me that much. Itachi is still there! So, Orochimaru wants your body 'cause you have the sharingan, and well, why couldn't he get Itachi's sharingan when he had the chance? Doesn't that say something? Call me stupid all you like. I don't care. I just don't want you to be used by people, and that's what it all looks like to me!

... Here I thought it couldn't be you writing letters to me when you went on about best friends and closest companions and um, you sure seem frustrated, yeah...

So, I believe you're you.

As opposed to Kabuto, I mean. I'm healthy and improving after all, and I'm gonna kick your ass when I see you again... Just you wait! Like I said, I've been traveling all over the place, and taking a lot of cool missions! Itachi's been stalking me, but I tell you, what he wants doesn't matter to me. When I drag you back to Konoha, you'll see.

And as for Kabuto, well... let me tell you, your points are just what I needed! Wait 'til you get a load of my perfected Male Harem no Jutsu! Uh, let's see. It took about a week for me to figure out how to make rasengan, so this will probably take about that much. I'll let you know what reactions I get.

Oh yeah! To answer your questions now! Hinata... Ah, I didn't get a chance to ask Hinata why she likes me. Every time I see her nowadays, she's either too busy fainting, training, or we're on a mission together, so it's really not the time to figure out why. Do you think maybe it's because I'm hot? Am I hot? I need an objective opinion, really. I mean, it's sorta hard to tell when the majority of the villagers hate me, and Sakura would punch me, and you REALLY don't want her to punch anything. My god, she's getting real cool and scary with what the old hag's teaching her. By the way, I'm really not sure why the old hag's teaching Sakura, but I'm still glad about it. And glad I'm out of the village most of the time, so I won't be target practice.

Geez, did I answer everything? Uh, one more thing! I probably won't be able to reply for a month or so again, so by then, my Male Harem no Jutsu should start to get around. Tell me if it gets around to Sound, PLEASE.

And shut up about the Rokudaime thing. I will become the Rokudaime Hokage of Konoha, because Konoha will still be standing when I bring you back. Konoha will always be waiting for you. I'll see to it.

Naruto.

---

Note: Ah, I've been very busy for the last month or so, finishing up Fall term classes, and moving to a new place for Spring term classes. Yeah, taking classes when I could otherwise be having a holiday. The other thing is because of the Naruto manga. First, I had to fight my growing dislike for Sasuke, which I blame on Sai, who I am starting to like more and more. Then, I have to prevent myself from writing Sai in too quickly, and being biased about it. Oh, and in character. I'm not too happy with Naruto's reply. Is he sounding more mature, now? Too mature? Is it okay? I hope I'm doing okay ; I'm a little confused with a lot of things right now.


	8. Naruto, I was beginning to think that I

COMMENTS: Sasuke's reply came a lot easier than I expected, probably because I've been a little frustrated lately - class related things.

DISCLAIMER: Masashi Kishimoto is the mangaka. Hayato Date is the director of the anime, which was released by Studio Pierrot. No profit will be made out of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement was intended. The only thing I own here is this piece of writing.

---

Naruto,

I was beginning to think that I scared you off, but I guess I should have known. You're just too stubborn. Look, I told you before. You wouldn't understand, and you don't need to know my reasons for responding to your letters. I don't even encourage you thinking up fanciful excuses for me. I just write back when I feel like it, so lets drop this subject already.

About Orochimaru, I don't care if he was weaker than Itachi in the past. I don't care what Orochimaru plans to do with me after I avenge my clan. What I care about now is that I'm finally receiving the training I've always wanted, and growing stronger. That's a far cry from what Kakashi, much less Konoha, was ever willing to give me.

Hell, Kakashi told me to give up revenge. I have no intention of listening to more of that crap, so don't you start either.

Here. Let me spell it out to you as clearly as I can. I betrayed Konoha to follow the man who caused the Sandaime Hokage's death. Unlike you, I paid attention to history lessons, so I'm also perfectly aware that Orochimaru originally left the village when they first discovered his experiments on other people, citizens and prisoners alike. And over time, I've seen some very interesting things he's involved with that I can't be bothered to tell you about. Basically, I know what I'm getting into. What makes you think I plan on ever letting you take me back to Konoha?

What makes you think Konoha would want me back at all? You of all people should know that they're not going to just listen to you.

You're not even hot.

You are out of your mind. I can't believe you asked me for an objective opinion on whether you're hot. You're short, and you bundle yourself up like an orange, and... you wear orange. When you're supposed to be a ninja. It's almost as loud and 'aim here!' as pink hair. Why did you ask me of all people in the first place?

If it's because I'm your best friend, then lets not be friends any more, okay? I don't want you thinking I'm sexually frustrated because of some unrequited love for you and that's the message I've been getting from you. You really care too much. Thanks. But stop it, dobe.

... A few days ago, Orochimaru was dealing with a postal nin when Kabuto came into the room. The postal nin went bright red and had a nosebleed, but that wasn't the only part of him bleeding by the time Orochimaru figured out why. All I can say is that after Kabuto cleaned up the mess, he was still wondering why Orochimaru almost killed the guy. It was your Male Harem no Jutsu, wasn't it?

Sasuke

---

Note: Thanks for the feedback. It's' really helpful and encouraging to know other people's perspectives on how this is going. I hope this Sasuke's sounds a little more like the Sasuke we meet again in the manga - at least a little. I'm trying to pace it. Ah, I don't hate Sasuke. I just don't like his security blanket and that obi-bow that keeps it in place. As for Sai, well, I like him more because... this is a SPOILER: Sai's more willing than Sasuke to protect Naruto and Sasuke's bonds.


	9. Sasuke, I knew something was up when I

COMMENTS: Naruto is trying not to angst.

DISCLAIMER: Masashi Kishimoto is the mangaka. Hayato Date is the director of the anime, which was released by Studio Pierrot. No profit will be made out of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement was intended. The only thing I own here is this piece of writing.

---

Sasuke,

I knew something was up when I saw the postal nin that delivered your letter. He looked so pale and weak I invited him inside to rest a bit before making the rest of his deliveries, and he actually agreed to stop for a while... These guys don't usually stop for anything when they have mail to deliver, you know!

I... I'm glad he's not dead though, or else it'd be all my fault for pulling that jutsu on him. Although now I'm... surprised, 'cause... how? How did he survive Orochimaru? I mean, Orochimaru is really possessive about Kabuto, ain't he? He sure seemed like it, especially from what you said... Uh... then again, the postal nin said I wouldn't want to know what happened to him, so never you mind.

You're an asshole.

How can you talk about NOT being friends so easily? I only asked you what you thought about Hinata having a crush on me - about possibly why, 'cause I sure as hell don't know! I did not think you were sexually frustrated due to unrequited love for me. What crack is Orochimaru and Kabuto and whoever else in Sound feeding you?

Are you sexually frustrated due to unrequited love for me?

And what's wrong with orange clothing and pink hair? I'll have you know blonde hair is more visible a target! Pink makes people do a double-take first, which buys time. And oh boy, if you give Sakura enough time to get close and smash your face in...

Orange clothes are cheap. And very me, don't you think? Don't you think of me when you see orange clothing? Who else buys orange clothing? What else would you rather I wear? I mean, what is so wrong with wearing orange clothing? Don't knock it 'til you've tried it! Jerk!

You know, I think we're the same. I don't care if the villagers of Konoha won't accept me as Hokage yet, but I'm going to become Hokage, and you don't give a shit that Orochimaru might not be able to help you kill your brother - 'cause you're gonna kill your brother. Haha, we make so much sense...

Why, Sasuke? Where did the bastard that always saved my life and made me look like a fool in the process go?

I miss you, Sasuke.

Naruto.

---

Note: Been slow to update lately because I've been sorta frustrated with the series, looking into other series, and working on original work. I'm not giving up on this though When I read your comments and critique, I feel motivated to keep going, so thank you.


	10. Naruto, You do not need me to stick

COMMENTS: Sasuke's short and sweet koffhackdies response.

DISCLAIMER: Masashi Kishimoto is the mangaka. Hayato Date is the director of the anime, which was released by Studio Pierrot. No profit will be made out of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement was intended. The only thing I own here is this piece of writing.

---

Naruto,

You do not need me to stick around and make you look like a fool. You do that remarkably well on your own. Plus, you can save yourself just fine. Anyone can, if they want to. I wish you'd go save yourself the trouble from writing back to me, for example, because this is the last time I'm writing back.

We're not the same, you and I. I'm not the person you think I am; I never was. The bonds we shared... let me sever them now.

Go find someone else to be your best friend, someone else who would appreciate it, because I only see what is between us as an unwanted distraction from my ultimate goal.

And for the record, real shinobi do not wear attention-seeking colors. Honestly, try black. You AND Sakura. Her red dress clashes with her pink hair. You can see her coming from miles away, without sharingan, and your...

Orange, 'nuff said.

In fact, I'm not going to answer the rest of your letter either; answering would justify the utter stupidity of you asking me if I'm sexually frustrated - I AM NOT. And I do not have unrequited love for you!

You are an idiot. You are annoying. Every time I see something orange, I think of you, and I think of making orange juice. First with my bare hands, then with a blender.

If you bother me more, I will give you a detailed account of what Orochimaru did to the postal nin. You will not enjoy it.

Sasuke

---

Note: Guess Naruto's response. Just take a wild guess. No, really. Because now, Naruto's going to have to work to make Sasuke respond, and we all know he needs help when it comes to Sasuke. Help!


	11. Teme! Why do you HAVE to be such an

COMMENTS: Naruto's attempts to strike at Sasuke's weak points. Or not.

DISCLAIMER: Masashi Kishimoto is the mangaka. Hayato Date is the director of the anime, which was released by Studio Pierrot. No profit will be made out of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement was intended. The only thing I own here is this piece of writing.

---

Teme!

Why do you HAVE to be such an anal-retentive asshole? Whether I'm an idiot, you're still stupid - you answered my question about you being sexually frustrated right after you said you wouldn't, and the only thing you didn't really answer is what the hell those Sound nins have been feeding you!

And for your information, it takes TRUE genius to pull off being a ninja who can wear conspicuously bright colors. Just look at Gai and Lee! And they're not attention seekers either! And, and the Akatsuki! With those red and white clouds all over their halloween capes! How do they stay a secret organization, huh? If they weren't good at hiding, they'd be mistaken for some religious cult, or a circus troupe.

I can see it now: Uchiha Itachi - Master Hypnotist! Shark Tamer Extraordinaire! Chaser of Tails! But he ain't never gonna get himself any, I tell ya. Not if he stays on my trail, at least.

See, that's why you should just get back here. You'd see him more often, like I do, and you'd get to see how he's doing, and how you'd compare...

Last week, it was funny... he didn't bat an eyelash at Harem no Jutsu, but when I switched to Male Harem no Jutsu, HE WENT RED!

I'm not talking about his eyes. His eyes are always red.

I'm talking about his pale, pale skin going almost as red as those clouds on his cape. And his partner went purple - with laughter!

Mind you, Jiraiya went purple too, but he barfed in a bush.

Your brother didn't nosebleed like that postal nin though. At least, I don't think he did... Damn that dwarfing cape! It makes it so hard to tell, sorta like Shino's jacket...

Oh god, Shino... Ugh, never mind. I promised not to tell anyone what happened when I went on this one mission with Shino. Okay, not thinking about it! NOT thinking about it!

Back to Itachi. He ran away again.

And you know what? I told him, "Like what you saw, Itachi-sama? Look for Yakushi Kabuto!"

Hahahahahaha!

So, yeah, Sasuke. I believe you. YOU'RE not sexually frustrated.

Oh, and um... thanks for the suggestion. I'm growing out of my old jacket, so... I'll see if I can find anything with some black... Yeah.

Write back soon!

Naruto.

---

Note: To answer some questions - I think the letters here could have been written after anime (filler) episode 177 "Oh? Please :heart: Mister Postman", where Naruto discovered the existence of ninjas who specifically worked as really efficient postmen (men, yes...). And I'd recommend watching the episode just for laughs. It's total crack.

Give or take the time it might take for ninja snail-mailto be delivered, I'd say each letter would probably get to the boys within a week or two, and sometimes a month or so, because they might just happen to be away on missions. Right now, I'm guessing about 7-10 months have passed since Naruto befriended postal nins. In this letter, Naruto's at least gotten past anime (again, filler) episode 186 "Laughing Shino." which is... hehe, frightfully funny.

As for more on Orochimaru, Kabuto, and that poor postal nin, it's up to Sasuke to decide if he wants to reply, sorry. He's being such a prat right now. Maa, hope you liked this though. And keep the suggestions coming, please, 'cause I don't know if Sasuke will reply, or if Naruto will just keep going! Thanks!


	12. Sasuke, Why are you so stubborn? I mean,

COMMENTS: Naruto... Ah, Naruto...

DISCLAIMER: Masashi Kishimoto is the mangaka. Hayato Date is the director of the anime, which was released by Studio Pierrot. No profit will be made out of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement was intended. The only thing I own here is this piece of writing.

---

Sasuke,

Why are you so stubborn? I mean, besides the regular one to two months where I don't get any mail from you anyways, I figured you'd be an ass and not answer longer, but four months? Four? I was waiting, jerk!

I bet you thought I gave up, too, loser. This is ridiculous! You know what? Fine. I'm just gonna fill you in on what's been happening, without telling you exactly what's been happening so you'll be so curious you HAVE to ask me or I won't give you more details. Haha!

Where was I... uh... Shino made me promise never to tell anyone he... uh, so... Actually, I really can't tell you this one, because if I do, and Shino finds out, his bugs would bite me, and you KNOW he has a lot of bugs in him.

So, so... after Motoyoshi village... Hey, have you ever been to Nano Country? Tsunade-baba appointed Hinata and Chouji and I to go there, and we met Princess Haruna, who was so impressed with me that when we left she asked me if I could stay with her - if I could protect her and her people! Isn't that awesome?

I just couldn't do it though... 'cause of... you know... you.

Do you have any idea how many things I miss out on because you're still not in Konoha? I train, I go on missions, I train, I go on missions - I barely have time to do anything else, or go anywhere unless it's for training, or for missions, and Princess Haruna... man, at first, she was as cold and idiotic as you! She didn't care about anyone, but in the end... Eh, write back if you wanna know more.

And there was this other princess, too. Ino and I were supposed to impersonate her, so she could get married. Now, now, before you go, "Hn," Ino's really pretty now. She's sorta rounded out some, and hell, if that princess hadn't gotten overweight out of nervousness... what I'm saying is, Ino really looked like a princess when she was thin, and... um, I just henged.

Oh course, I looked sexier than her, because, you know, it wouldn't make sense if the guy who created oiroke no jutsu couldn't pretend to be a sexy girl... but eh, the main point was that the marriage happened, they're happy, and hehe... Ino went on a diet again 'cause the guy found out about us impersonating the princess, and still chose the princess, which is actually great, isn't it? I mean, he chose to marry the real princess after seeing the real princess, as opposed to marrying her after seeing Ino and I...

Uh, yeah... something like that.

Eh, I'm not going to give everything away. Write back!

Naruto

---

Note: Hi, it's been a while since I updated this... round about 4 months, too, yeah. Funny thing though. I was going to update it two days (make that a week now) ago, but neither Safari or Firefox would let me upload anything (so I'm guessing it was FF net's problem ... and today, I received a message from someone telling me to update!

Besides that, I went off of Naruto for a bit, and busied myself with some Ouran High School Host Club fics etc... Well, I have maybe 2 or 3 more anime episodes to catch up on with Naruto now... and I'm up to date with the manga. Wondering if I should just start on the 'after three years' thing in the next letter, or keep it paced. What do you think? And of course, reviews that don't answer my notes or whatever would be wonderful, too.


	13. Sasuke, The last two months or so?

COMMENTS: Well, Sasuke's still being stubborn.

DISCLAIMER: Masashi Kishimoto is the mangaka. Hayato Date is the director of the anime, which was released by Studio Pierrot. No profit will be made out of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement was intended. The only thing I own here is this piece of writing.

---

Sasuke,

The last two months or so? Bizarre. Absolutely bizarre. First, some spy tried coming into Konoha by pretending to be Gai-sensei while he was gone, except he and bushy eyebrows and I beat him up and sent him off to jail before Tsunade-baba even put the wanted posters up. And then I nearly got devoured! By this haunted castle, 'cause the guy who owned it like over fifty years ago died wishing that anyone who comes in would be eaten up alive! I rasenganed the way out, of course. Hehe. Then, a bunch of guys came looking for Gai-sensei for revenge, except we stopped them too, 'cause they thought Gai-sensei did something really horrible, but it wasn't true.

I mean, Gai-sensei? Come on, right?

So, so... there was a bomb threat. The ANBU got involved. This old man, Gennou, used to treat me to Ichiraku. I think you met him once or twice. Do you remember the old guy? He'd eat a bit of his ramen, then give me the rest of the bowl?

Turns out he was a bomb expert and a shinobi in his village... that was destroyed by Konoha some thirty years back, so he came to Konoha to blow us all up too. But Shikamaru, Chouji, Ino, Shino, Kiba, Hinata, Neji, Lee, Tenten and Sakura and I all found him and stopped him in time. Sort of. I mean, Shikarmaru said... um... the old man gave up on his plan after meeting me, 'cause I remind him of this kid of his... or something. So... he died, Sasuke.

It was old age. I think he was smiling...

Yeah...

That's not actually bizarre, is it...

Bizarre is... rushing into a genjutsu world to stop some girl with the power to erase Kurenai-sensei from existence with some paint on a canvas. Yeah, that happened. I mean, Kurenai-sensei's still alive, and that girl's still alive, and there was some sort of happy ending for them, and come back, bastard, because revenge is really... I mean look at those people! Revenge on Gai-sensei? Revenge against an entire village years and years and years after a war when no one is fighting any more? Revenge on Kurenai-sensei because Kurenai-sensei stopped the girl from her dream for her own good?

Sasuke, I'm not saying that you shouldn't have your revenge or anything, but you don't have to go about it on your own - you know that, right? I mean... Orochimaru. Wants. Your. Body.

HELLO? I just want you back home, Sasuke. Konoha's still your home, no matter what you say. You can't change where you came from, and well...

Damnit, write back!

Naruto

---

Note: I am so glad the fillers are over now. Well, over for now, because I'm sure there can be more, unless the battles get drawn out forever like Dragonball, which I really hope they won't, but you know... Eh, best not to focus on that. Next one up is probably going to be a bit different, but I'm debating on how different, so I won't say more about that, haha


End file.
